Tags

, , ,


As I read through this, I find myself thinking “That dialogue is abysmal!”  Well, maybe it isn’t the dialogue itself as much as the lack of description thrown in.  No body language, very few attributions of statements (though it is two people talking, so the back and forth should be obvious).  If I re-wrote this story, I would definitely give the dialogue some work.  And the premise.  And the minor characters.  And a few other things.

Anyway, here is chapter seven:

Chapter Seven

On the bridge, the arrangements had just been finalized with the Romulan government.  In one hour, they were to meet the scout ship Ambush at Nimbus III.  All that was left was to inform Darr of the change in plans and make sure that Starfleet had several reinforcements scattered around Nimbus III for his meetings with the Klingons the next day.

“Commander Uhura, have Ambassador Darr meet me in the briefing room in ten minutes.  Mr. Soved, you have the conn,” Kirk said on his way to the lift.

 

As Caithlin Darr walked into the briefing room, she saw Kirk sitting at the end of the table, calmly staring at her.  She suddenly thought, he knows!

Kirk smiled broadly at her and said, “Hello, Ambassador Darr.  I’d like to discuss a slight change in plans with you.  Instead of meeting the Ambush tomorrow as originally planned, the rendezvous will occur in approximately forty-five minutes.”

“No, you can’t do this!” she yelled.

“And why, may I ask, not?”

“Because we three have reached a potential peace pact,” she said more calmly.

“That’s why we’re going there, to negotiate.”

“But my people will blow your ship out of existence when they first see it!”

“They’ve tried before.  Besides, why would a Romulan tell me what they plan to do?  Romulans don’t have a history of being particularly peaceful people.”

“I was assigned to be an undercover operative once we returned from Vorta Vor.”  She used the Romulan name for Nimbus III because she couldn’t remember the planet’s designation in Standard.  “I tried to change the course of events once I realized that peace was truly possible, but I couldn’t communicate with my government.”

Kirk thought for a moment before he gave his response.  “If things are as you say they are, these feelings will have to be expressed soon before they fester and grow into a hatred which may never be overcome.  This ship will continue cautiously towards Nimbus and if there are any surprises, we’ll pick them up on our long range scanners.  This matter is now closed for discussion; have a nice day, Ambassador.”  Kirk stood up and escorted Kaithlin to the door.

Advertisements